The subconscious is that part of the conscious which pretends to be unconscious. We are all chips of the old block and if consciousness alone is there’s nothing like subconscious or unconscious in the true and utter sense of the word.

One such thing is my left leg. No one really could tell me why my left leg was left totally paralysed after I woke up from my Code Blue (it’s the code sounded through all hospitals when a patient passes out and has really bad vitals). I’ve undergone EMG and NCV studies which prove there is a problem with the nerve at the lower back region but doesn’t say why or how it came about.

Over time with LOTS and LOTS of healing, I’ve gained most of my muscle strength and sensation back. The leg which used to be completely atrophied is now the same birth as my right. Now all that remains is the sensation in my foot and the inability to extend my toes fully.

Today, in yoga class, we were made to see the Light emanating from each cell in the body. Needless to say, I concentrated on my ankle and foot. I felt distinctly uncomfortable and unfocused but when I came home, I realised two important things. Firstly, my brain was in a turmoil thanks to the apparent subconscious memory of the cancer diagnosis and treatment. The apparently wretched hospital stay. And, I learnt that I had to release and give away.

Nothing ever is wrong. It’s the human ego which gets hurt and upset more than anything else. The Soul (of which we are chips) is all happiness and peace. It never is hurt or wrong. It enjoys the play of consciousness from afar and still in direct contact. All the ego needs to do is to understand this and release whatever is caught up into the Light (I consider the Soul as Light). Release and feel freedom and peace permeate through the new found space.

I lie down in dharalinganam which is lying down on your belly hugging Mother Earth. Feeling supported like Her. And releasing whatever is caught up into Her vast self. Feeling supported, feeling protected, feeling grounded and unjudged. Three things popped up almost like Divine message. The first being that was demanded of me is to be confident and headstrong like I used to be. I still am but somewhere it was shaken after the cancer. Second is to release the little fracas I had with a family friend’s husband while I was in the USA. Thirdly, to release a school friend of mine who I believe is suffering from some sort of psychosis but refuses to seek medical help.

After the release, I felt some bubbling in my left foot. It usually indicates regenerating nerves. Cramps, sharp currents and other such sensations all indicate a regenerating nerve (it could also indicate a pinched nerve but that’s not the case here). And, that’s when I realised that I have so much to offer and heal. I’ve come a long way but I have a slightly longer way to go to become my old confident, headstrong, younger self. Cheers to releasing and freedom.


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