I’ve always lived in a bubble. Always lived life on my terms and conditions and on my rules. Off late, I have been more aware that I need to continue living in a protective bubble because my dreams, core values and inner connect are so different from others. For the sake of self preservation, I need to live in that protective covering seemingly aloof.
Life, in the last couple years has been an eye opener. Things that I took for granted, people I took for granted shouldn’t have been taken for granted. Life is always unpredictable and not the most righteous but it’s taking things to a whole new level where, if you are a tad honest you won’t be able to survive. You have to either just shut the hell up or learn how to twist and turn things.
Finally, I quit my job. I would’ve finished in March itself but since they were short staffed, I was requested to continue till April. I negotiated and flat refused to work all days and so I am working three times a week for three hour! This job has taught me a LOT. A LOT in outpatient PT but a WHOLE LOT more in human psyche. The most important being that if you are an honest and straight forward individual you cannot climb up the corporate ladder. The corporate world is filled with people who are oh so sweet to you in your face and behind your ass, will stab you in the back. You don’t climb up on merit or good doings, you climb up based on who’s arse you lick.
Anyway, invaluable lesson for me was- I live by my own rules, don’t and can’t adhere to others. It’s almost as if the Light wants to drive these seemingly plebeian Truths right into my being so I don’t make or take foolish decisions in the future. I am not a confromist and I can’t pretend to be one. I should stop trying.
Last Sunday night I had a video conference with five of my friends from college after godloneknows how long. I am not the most humble person around but after my chemotherapy I intended on trying to be. In my attempt, I tried to get in touch with people I had grown apart from. Therefore, I entered into a WhatsApp group chat with all my erstwhile friends from PT School (a group of six other girls). A few years down the line (the blessed last Sunday night) I thought it actually might be fun to video chat with all of them together. Disastrous decision I might add.
I realised we had gotten so different. All of them were conformists, are married, three of them now have or almost have children. Three are living in the USA and all of them are more interested in drinking, partying and kitty parties than anything else. Well, we had a great time in college but after, I kind of just fell apart. I had chosen to tread along the more spiritual path and was always more subtle and honest and probably different. So I don’t know why I can’t trust my instinct and adhere to the fact that I have moved on and why I should be shocked about the fact that the conversation didn’t leave me happy and cheerful. It left me rather empty and upset and distraught, than anything else.
There was another lesson learnt- people come into your life for a reason. For each other to grow. But it’s not always that people remain for the rest of your life and be an intimate part of that life. Be grateful for their presence, bless their souls for the invaluable learning and experience but don’t try to get them to be a part of your life under the false charade of humility. That’s just bull crap. You have to be with people who change at the same pace as you. People who understand you, who let you be who you truly are, don’t try to change you and accept you with all your flaws and problems.
Lastly, these above qualities might not be in your guardians, your parents or your family. They could be complete strangers (in the beginning or even in the end) but they will rescue you right when you need to be rescued. Your parents by virtue of them being older aren’t always right. If they are spot on even fifty percent, you ought to be grateful. But have the faith, have the inner connect that someone up there is Looking out for you and will send a Human form to get you out of that sticky wicket and envelope you in His own Divine Light.
While on the surface of it, honesty isn’t the best policy in the world as we know it. Being a true individual you really can’t be anything but that. So in the mean time, keep being true to yourself. Shutting up and continuing on the sly till He can allow you to shine in your full Honest glory.
I can’t wait for my Human form to envelope me in all His Love and unify me within and with Him. Fingers crossed that it will be soon…coz I think I am ready for a commitment and love and growing up together.