Invaluable Failure

Self proclamation, I am a bit weird. I have failed on an exam twice in my life time. The first by a mere 0.5% due to being graded against people who had taken the test once before and were used to the test pattern (not to mention I had studied two months prior while others studied six). The other time recently, yesterday to be precise. Due to many reasons. And still I find failure invaluable. It always teaches you something and keeps you down to earth.

Firstly, I am not motivated enough to do anything of my own. I am working in a clinic where everything is new. I’ve never used mckenzie technique before and never worked in an outpatient setting, ever. So I was relieved to know that I would have to undergo extensive training for the same. Yay!! And, I would be mentored in the clinic for a month before. Yay yay!! But when I reached my clinic, I was in for a rude shock.

The clinic head made no effort to introduce me to anyone. I introduced myself to everyone around. She was supposed to mentor me and train me with the hands on techniques. Train me with the crazy devices and make sure I was properly trained. Not done. It wasn’t like I didn’t try and remind her. I reminded her at least half a dozen times in a week and blocked her schedule too…to no avail. She would either look right through me or just make an excuse about some admin work.

Ordinarily, I wouldn’t have cared two hoots but I had the fortune (unfortunate for the boss) of working for a wonderful boss in San Francisco. Even though I was a foreign graduate, I was introduced to each and every team member personally. She made sure I was comfortable and was easily approachable. Super nice and easy to work with. Someone who inspired me to do better and work my best. Sometimes, just for her sake. I hated the company but she was such a wonderful boss, I didn’t have the heart to say no. She would go out and say thank you to everyone and hosted lunches and everything.

Here, I am one of them and still treated like shit. The boss takes no notice of my existence, looks through me every now and again and cares not a dime about me or my progress or lack of it. I have no inner motivation to work for the boss. And so, I studied not a page for the exam. And not surprisingly, I did HORRIBLY on the test. But then I understood, it’s not about her. It’s about me. I am answerable to myself. I have to work hard for myself rather than anyone else. I want to do well for myself and not anyone else.

I have another shot which I am going to ace. I am going to prove a point and not wait for them to take any initiative. This is India and not America, no one has any respect for you. There is too much supply anyway, why would they care. So, I am here, and going to prove a point rather than crib and cry about them not teaching me. So, should I pass the next exam, I will post about that. Until then good luck to me. If you have any inspirational quotes, please share, I need it.

HAPPY DIWALI to you all!!!

P.S: I was watching MasterChef India and one of the participants is from San Francisco. Gosh, the world has me so intertwined with the city. My first and only love.

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4 thoughts on “Invaluable Failure

  1. that dose not seem like a good place to work and i hope you can move through this and keep your sanity. i guess you dont have to like the people you work with, but it sure makes life nicer if you do. any thoughts about coming back to the usa?
    good luck

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    1. Yes. The work culture in India is not as good as in the USA. Never has been. But let’s see what’s in store. I would love to move back to the US, San Francisco to be precise but can’t happen so soon. I still have quarterly check ups for cancer. But after that green signal, will jump the bandwagon.

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      1. hope you can survive the work there to be able to come back here. many places in health care just dont understand how to introduce/train new workers and i have worked in those places too and have made changes in a couple of those places including the place i currently work. ๐Ÿ™‚

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  2. ๐Ÿ˜Fingers crossed. Like I said, in India the population is so big that human life has no value. People don’t appreciate what you do. And respect is totally unheard of. Maybe with time, I will be able to bring about some change here as well…๐Ÿ˜‰

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