Fine, I admit, the only thing constant in life is change itself. I also admit, I quite hate it. And, just as if the Divine up above the sky so high listens to everything I say and insists on proving me wrong, I am always thrust into a myriad of changes.
I went from being independent and living in the city of my dreams to being unhealthy and dependant in about two years time. In hindsight, something apparently or seemingly major always happens when I resist change. The pinnacle being cancer.
Now, it could be because of my inherent resistance to change. My inherent need to hold grudges against people. My inherent need to be away from forging close bonds because of my inability to maintain close emotional bonds. My inherent need to be free, to be unanswerable to anyone.
I want to be optimistic. The very fact that the Divine gave me a forewarning, it was for a purpose. He knew, for reasons best known to him, that it was necessary to make me go through the experience. For the fun of it? For the karmic clearance? For a learning?
Well, I want to believe it is for learning. Learning to give away rather than hold close. It’s ok to love for a time rather than not loving at all. All because you are scared of getting hurt? It’s part and parcel of life. The ups and downs and flats in between. To think of it, the ups can keep you going through the downs, right?
Today I started with a new job. A few hours, twice a week. It’s in a setting, I haven’t ever worked in. It’s news. It’s change. I used to hate it. But, hey, I have learnt my lesson. I am going to embrace it. It’s a learning opportunity and I am going to make the most of it.
With this new found zeal and zest in life, I also hope I am able to forego my shortcomings which don’t allow me to forge close bonds. For, I want to form blissful and peaceful bonds of togetherness. To love and to be loved. To be in the arms of someone forever more. To be perfect in all our imperfections together.
That is a story only time will tell…and, I hope I will write about it sometime. Hopefully, I won’t resist the inevitable.
Love. Light. Hope. Faith. Dreams.