Well, I did live another day to tell yet another story. I didn’t know how or why, but sometimes it’s best not to question the Will. After all, nothing happens in the Cosmic Play but at its time and foreseen place. There are three logical choices for any problems. You can try to change your outlook/ circumstances or opinions. You can run away from the situation. Or shut up and accept it. Once you’ve made one of the above choices, be happy with it and accept it.
The choice was made. What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger. As one of my dearest friends once told me, “scars are a reminder of how resilient you are”. There are so many preconceived notions of God. For most, he is some morose, serious, unapproachable character sitting somewhere above without any care of what happens to those below. I beg to differ. I am not a saint, I am not even remotely religious. And here I quote another dear friend, “she divides the world into three parts, 33.33% she cares about and will do anything for, the other 33.33 she knows are alive but wishes were dead and the last of which she doesn’t even know are alive”. Still, with all my idiosyncrasies I talked to him. I fought with him. I questioned him.
Most times, he would grant me my request. It was so miraculous. When I got home from the hospital, I needed two people to help me turn in bed. Holding a bowl of soup in my hand was a task. My artistic hands shook all the time. I didn’t know if I would ever go back to drawing and painting. I was dejected and upset. I fought with him. I demanded, he make me independent if he has chosen for me to stay put. Then miraculously, I was sitting up without support in two days time. Then standing up. Eating on my own. And in about seven days time, I was walking (albeit with a walker and someone standing next to me at all times but it’s not bad, I think).
He planned it out such that things would happen in a way that everything was perfect. From the most lenient doctors to the best nurses. I am mortified of hospitals. I hate them. I find the energies horrifying and so my doctor made the exception of taking chemo in day care rather than being admitted. The nurses went out of their way to greet me and keep me in great spirits, though I was a pain in the arse initially. Of course, it was a wonderful lesson in humility.
I must say, it’s really not possible to battle cancer with chemo alone. It’s equally important to have some spiritual guidance. Some holistic healing. Jehangir uncle and the healer were a perfect match. As my lungs swam in pleuritic fluid, I was being tapped. They had pulled put 1.5lts from right lung and were sure there would be more on the left. That night she gave me healing and all that came out next day from the left was 500ml. They advised spirulina, neem tablets, curcumin (found naturally in turmeric), sumenta, hemaplex and the budwig diet. Of course sunshine and yoga. Thanks to all their efforts and recommendations, I only took four cycles of chemo as opposed to the six I was initially advised. When I went in for surgery, the mass had shrunk considerably even after not taking chemo for about three months and my tumour markers were normal. Histopath report revealed that it was all necrotic tissue. No active cancer was present.
He has His ways of working. The year before the last 365 days was full of upheavals, mostly emotional. I left my heart and soul in a foreign land and for some reason returned back to the nest. A move which was way tougher than anticipated. Yes I lived more in the nest than I did in the foreign land but the heart knows only the innate truth. But through the last 365 days, He taught me to cope. There is always a silver lining to every dark cloud. And He is always there to bring everyone up from an abyss. Life is the best teacher He gives you.