The last 365 days- the beginning!

I am nearly thirty. I had many a dream. Or many a dream came to me. Premonition, the world Voice making sure you hear it and pure intuition.

As I studied pathology sometime in 2005, I stumbled upon a seemingly non important statement. I mean it was never going to pop up on any of the tests and definitely not on the final. It said (something to the effect), everyone with moles or beauty spots are prone to cancer. A Bell sounded loud and clear. “That’s me”, I said to myself! And then, no sooner was that said, I shrugged it off. It couldn’t be me.

A decade later, I was diagnosed with cancer. It was pretty advanced, having spread to a few abdominal organs as well.  I was devastated…not so much with the idea of having got cancer but with the idea of taking chemo. After all, you are readily agreeing to poison being injected into you. If the cancer didn’t kill me, fibrosis of the lung just might. It’s not peaches and plums to choose between the devil and the deep sea!!

In my opinion, there are two ways of going from point A to point B. My heart said I would take the natural way. There are hundreds of stories out there to prove you can beat cancer holistically without having to undergo the almost inhuman treatment approach.

But for that, it is important you have the right kind of support and temperament. My family, my own blood didn’t think it was likely. They never shared my beliefs in anything but this just broke me completely. I had been a fighter all my life and suddenly, I didn’t want to fight any more. I gave up. It was too painful. I hurt and ached everywhere. Not physically but definitely emotionally.

In the melee, my condition deteriorated tremendously. I had to be hospitalised and still refused chemo. My lungs swam in an ocean of pleural fluid while my abdomen was bursting at the seems in the deluge created by ascites. Finally I passed out and had to be intubated in the ICU. I was given 24 hours to live.

Where I was, it was peaceful. He told me rather sweetly, “My door is open for you but I’d rather you fight for me down below.” (My God is a he. Oh good grief, can you imagine what the earth would have been if it was someone from our gender!)

And I got back to the commotion. The transition took its toll on me. In my heart I was gone, only that I wasn’t. I had a ton of dreams. Senseless, scary, absolutely horrifying at times. I was taking two restyls a day. Through it all, I knew one thing, the Divine Hand is guiding me. He is there for me. His hand through The Mother is always going to get me out.

With the advent of this new found faith and connection, I was determined to fight. My Divine charm pendant dropped on the floor of my room before I was hospitalised. I needed it. I asked Jehangir uncle to get my parents to get it for me. And through the last 365 days I have managed to see His sleight in a lot of things. I would like to say everything but I’d be a hypocrite then (I am certain it’s there in everything but I didn’t perceive it that way) !

In less than 365 days I went from being completely bed ridden with two people helping me to just turn in bed to being totally independent with everything. I admit, I do have a slight limp on the left leg but it’s getting a lot better and should soon disappear as well. I am in complete remission and absolutely mesmerised with the Sleight of The (Divine) hand. I dedicate this blog to His tricks and treats….the obvious to the subtle hints. Things from the apparently distant past to the present to what I think will be the future. I hope it is enjoyed especially by one who is perfect in all his imperfections.

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One thought on “The last 365 days- the beginning!

  1. OMG ! i have just started noticing black dots on myself lately. I’m so glad u have recovered. And i too agree on God being a he, again for the same reason.

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